This too shall pass!

‘How can I hate my own siblings?’, I wondered, ‘we are of the same blood’.

It had been 4 months of being cooped under the same roof as my sister and brother. I remember being happy when I got to know I could take a break from all the stress and pressure at college and relax at home for a week, before diving headfirst into exams. The first one week had me feeling blessed at the thought of having such a supportive family. As the weeks passed by, the ideal siblinghood began to collapse. It was so gradual that we didn’t realize when we started getting on each other’s nerves. It had been seven years since we were forcibly stuck together for this long a time that we forgot that there were infinite little quirks that we disliked about each other. Every other day, there would be a heated argument, with one screaming at the top of their lungs, another dissolving in tears, while the third played the role of the mediator. I just couldn’t get it: I’ve always been a family person, enjoying their company to that of friends. My entire being lights up when I talk about them. What went wrong? I remember crying myself to sleep, scared of my own thoughts and feelings about my siblings.

It was then I heard one of my professors talk about proximity stress; the frustration one feels when they are surrounded by the same people day in and day out, she said. The fact that you are no longer in proximal contact with different faces (at school or work) and are forced to minimize interaction within the confines of your home can be rather demanding. She reminded the audience that this was a common expression in most homes during this lockdown. My support system was not disintegrating and my frustrations were not misplaced – the relief this realization brought me was immense. That pep talk helped me to evaluate my feelings and those of others and to realize that the helplessness and supposed hatred were temporary and would pass.

To all those out there in a similar situation (conversations with friends have revealed that there are many), your feelings are valid. Don’t beat yourself around because you’re easily getting riled up, instead give yourself time to process your thoughts. Think over them and remind yourself to externalize those negative thoughts. This season is a time to pause and reflect. This season is a time to heal yourself and grow. This season is temporary and it shall pass!