Can positivity be toxic?

We know how toxic negative people can be. No one wants a doomsday prophecy when they are suffering. In such times, people seek positive vibes. But if I tell you positivity, too, can be toxic?

Confused? Yeah, I was too. Read along to know how positivity too can be negative. 

What is toxic positivity and why is it bad?

Imagine a scenario. You had not scored well in a test. You are sad, you feel you let yourself down. You went to a friend, thinking talking to her would make you feel better, thinking she would understand what you are going through. You go and tell her, "Hey, I did not score so well in the test. Do you think you can maybe talk to me?". You are expecting her to say that she is available to talk. Instead, this is what she says, "Don't worry. It is okay. Stay positive."

If you have ever face this situation, then you have faced toxic positivity. 

Samara Quintero and Jamie Long of The Psychology Group define it as "excessive and ineffective overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state across all situations". Toxic positivity denies, diminishes, and invalidates the suffering a person is going through. 

Toxic positivity is bad for the person at the receiving end because it leads them to feel guilty about their emotions and suppress them. By suppressing emotions, one is in fact magnifying the problem. In a suitable situation, they will come out stronger. 

Positive toxicity is especially bad in the current circumstances. People are incredibly suffering due to the pandemic, and hearing that their suffering is not all bad only makes it worse. 

How to deal with it?

One way to deal with toxic positivity is to recognise people who might invalidate your emotions. You might want to have a small group of people who you know would validate your emotions. 

You can also try to recognise messages that convey toxic positivity. These usually include the message "calm down, be positive". These might include “Don’t think about it, stay positive!” or "Good vibes only".

You need to understand that not feeling good is a perfectly valid option. We are not robots. Negative emotions also serve a purpose. They convey some message. Your feelings are perfectly valid.