Preserving our self worth in times that our performance takes a hit.

Think about the last time you invested considerable efforts on something, and it didn't go as planned. How did you feel about that? Did you feel hurt? Go down a negative spiral? Doubt yourself?
You might have felt the essence of some of these or maybe all, and that's absolutely okay. It's natural to feel disappointed when a goal you held so close isn't realized in the way you expected.
However, remember to gauge your emotions and thoughts during this process. Think about whether your disappointment is directed towards the outcome or towards yourself.


Why is this important?

The reflective thought will allow you to understand the extent to which your self-worth was contingent on your performance.
The more you operate on 'I worked so hard on the project, if it doesn't go well, I don't think I'm doing enough' the harder the performance hit will reflect in your self-worth.

Our self worth is contingent on varied aspects. For some, it might be their performance on an activity they consider themselves, for some their mental capacity to engage, for some the validation they receive from those around.


What can we do about this?

Performance means different things to different people, and it becomes necessary to view performance, not as an absolute determinant of our self-worth but rather a part of our larger vibrant self

Direct Gentler Phrases to Self
'My performance can dip in things I am good at too, and that's absolutely okay!'

'Definitions I create for myself create a framework to work on, but I'm more than this.'

'I don't feel too good today doesn't mean I am not enough or worthy.'

'Bad performance is a performance that can be readily improved. I've got this!'

Create broader definitions for yourself.
Make them flexible and note that they can always change with time.

Showering nurture and care to yourself is essential but not just at the time of adversity, but every day so we allow ourselves the space to grow and to be.